Listening is the Real Key To Success
AKA: There is a reason why we have two ears and one mouth
There I was sitting at the host’s table. He was a successful business person with an impressive vision. It’s not like I hadn’t sat at the important table before, but for some reason today I was intimidated. Would the group find me smart? Could I be witty? Would I say something stupid?
As these questions rambled through my mind, I made myself stop. I made myself take my own advice:
Listen. Really listen. Don’t listen to answer: listen to learn, to really hear what my lunch-mates are saying. And, put my cell phone away and on silent.
When many of us listen, we really are listening to answer. We spend the time anxiously waiting our turn to respond by forming a response that is about ourselves, not what the person is saying.
When this happens, we miss out on many things the person is saying. We hear what we want to hear, and really don’t contribute in a thoughtful way. I am sure that many a war was started by people not listening.
That day, I listened. I commented and contributed thoughtfully to the conversation. I didn’t think about what I was going to say while someone else was talking. Listening really helped me answer thoughtfully, so I didn’t have to worry about my answer.
Do you know what happened? My answers and comments were far better than if I only listened to answer. I contributed to the conversation, and the best of all I got to know my lunch-mates.
If you really want to be a better networker, learn to listen better. Why?
People like to be heard. It’s flattering when you listen.
Your responses will be much better because you paid attention. You won’t miss a key point.
You will learn something.
Wars are started, marriages fall apart, relationships end, just because we don’t listen.
You could also miss out on a great opportunity. One of my favorite stories is this: A man and a woman who didn’t know each other were seated together on a plane. The man started talking to the woman—he asked her questions and listened intently to her story.
As they were getting off the plane, she introduced herself and asked his name. He was Neil Armstrong. Imagine all the time this woman wasted by not asking him questions, by not listening.
Listening is your true super power!
Would you like to strengthen your listening skills? Here are two great books I recommend on communication:
Have a question on how to handle an awkward situation while networking? Email me at jankostner@gmail.com and I will address the situation in a future post.
